As far as numbers go, I can’t believe that August numbers are here already. This month for a boy we are…

And for a sibling group we are…

Time is flying! Let’s just hope that the numbers start to fly with it!

Image credits to Leo Reynolds and David Bleasdale.

Sibling number moved down to…

The first one seems to present a conflict. There is diversity in some parts of Utah, but many people believe that it is accompanied by higher violent crime rates. There may be some truth to this, but it is by no means the rule. Now I am seeing that the place we choose to live will have a bigger impact than I thought. There are probably a few ways we could facilitate the diversity: enrolling our child in a racially diverse school and extracurricular activities where there are other kids of African descent. I really want to get involved with other Ethiopian locals, whether they be other adopted children or adults. I’ve seen a group on Facebook where a group like this meets every so often. And I know that there are groups outside of Utah where Ethiopian adopted children are brought together for yearly reunions. We’ll be sure to participate in things like that.

The educational videos have also made me realize that our child’s life experience will be very different than mine was growing up. He will have to deal with prejudice, feelings of abandonment, cultural struggles, and other things that I never experienced. There will be lots of people who mean well but will make dumb comments in our child’s presence. There will be others who won’t mean well, and I know already that it will make me angry. There are good and bad ways for me to deal with stuff like that, and blowing up in someones face isn’t one of them.

I think April and I will have to learn that we can’t fix the issues that will come up. Racism will exist, and we just have to help him respond in the best way we can. It will take some practice, especially at calming ourselves so we can help in the most effective ways. It’s just an interesting aspect of parenting that is unique to adoptive families, but as long as we know that it takes work, I think we’ll do alright.

There is a lot more to learn about the best ways to parent an adopted child. I’m excited that we have learned so much already, and I look forward to all the other lessons that will come.

Note: The pictures I use for my posts have nothing do with anything. I just like them. The above pic is from this artist’s site, which I happen to like a lot. That is all.

Blogging for me has never been about things that I think should remain private. I shake my head at some of the things people dare to write, but then again, I might just be misunderstanding their motives. April has decided that we need a blog to document the adoption process, which is not something that I would normally want the world to know, but in this case I think I can go with it. I still am unsure if I will get into intensely personal things, but I’d like to write enough that I’ll remember these things later on. In my mind, that’s the purpose of the blog – so we will remember. It’s not for anybody else, though anybody can read if it they so choose.

Some of my initial unwillingness probably stems from my hesitance to talk in detail about what we’ve gone through up until now in trying to have our first child. Most of the time I choose not to talk about it, but  if I’m honest with myself, I can’t deny there has been a lot of anger and frustration. There have been times when I’ve felt happy after forcing myself to. I understand I need to do better at coming to terms with what has happened; even thanking God that we’ve been through what we have. It’s just not as easy as I’d like it to be.

I’m at an age where I can’t escape talk of pregnancy. I’ve tried, believe me, but I live in Utah. If I were in a different situation, I might look at all the talk in a different light. But when you are denied something that everybody else receives, sometimes all too easily, it wears thin. It becomes extremely difficult to smile when you hear of someone’s new happy news. The right thing to do is to wish them well, to wish them the best. But then my sense of fairness asks me why. At times I would feel that anger. Other times I would tell myself I didn’t care. I probably feel most regretful about sometimes having a total lack of sympathy when I would hear of the couple (or the thousand couples) who vented about having “tried” for five or six months without success. That’s hard and I know it, but it made me mad more often than not. I should always have been, and should always be better at mourning with those who mourn. After all, there are those who have it worse than me.

I have been trying harder to turn my attitude around. It’s still true that few know what this feels like, but others do. I don’t want to be pitied, nor do I want to be bitter. My choice in attitude is my own. I now have a very exciting adoption process to look forward to. WE have an exciting process to look forward to. April has had it harder than me, and she’s the one who has made all this happen so far. So I know it will be good for her as well. I don’t know if it will happen this year like we hope it will, but it will happen. We have already waited a long time, so we’ll be ok as long as we are moving forward with the process. When it’s done, maybe we’ll do it again, who knows.

So those are my opening statements. Here’s to hoping things happen sooner than later.

Other than that we are doing really well.  We recently finished our fourth semester of school and have two more to go.  We both enjoy learning and are happy we chose to go back to school, but we admit that we’ll be glad when it’ all over.  We have enjoyed the holidays.  We spent Thanksgiving with the Hoopers in Blairsden, CA (thus the sign) and spent Christmas with the Blairs.  We’ve enjoyed spending time with family.