As far as numbers go, I can’t believe that August numbers are here already. This month for a boy we are…

And for a sibling group we are…

Time is flying! Let’s just hope that the numbers start to fly with it!

Image credits to Leo Reynolds and David Bleasdale.

Here is the description:

Moving moment for all of us when we visited the Kebebe Government Children’s Orphanage. The rooms that held the children had a thick, smell in the air of urine and feces. Some of the pics are difficult to see. All of these children are waiting to be adopted. There were only 2 caretakers for all of these kids. … When we asked for the name of one of the little girls in the picture, the caretakers couldn’t find it. I have this on my video that is coming soon. A tough day for all of us.

We also found a post from an adoptive mother who just brought home a baby boy.  Her son was in Bethzatha orphanage for awhile.  When she went to pick him up in Ethiopia she got to visit Bethzatha.  The living conditions were not as bad, but there are a lot of children.

Here are some of the things she described:

I am still processing my time in Ethiopia–there is really so much to process. . . As you may know, adoption requires waiting, waiting and more waiting. There’s red tape—lots of hoop-jumping and often programs change and even close at moments notice. With 143,000,000 orphans in the world–and almost 6 million of them being in Ethiopia–the wait doesn’t really make sense. BUT there is a wait.

Our agency’s orphanage can only serve so many orphans at a time–and one can’t come to our private orphanage to be matched with a forever family until another one has gone. SO–while our private run orphanage serves betweent 40-60 children, many are simply waiting on court dates to come and pass so families can travel and another bed can be opened for a child from bigger orphanages like Bethzatha to come in. (W)hile some (children) only spend a few weeks there, others have been there for years and years.

It’s hard not to wonder where our child(ren) are right now.  We pray that they are getting proper care and attention.  Families who are adopting from AGCI are praying that they pass courts and allow waiting children to be matched with loving families.  We hope you join us in praying for court hearings run smoothly and ethically so that we can bring home our child(ren) as soon as possible.

Our number for a sibling group is…

We are so happy to finally be at this point. There will be a lot more waiting, for sure, but having numbers makes it seem a little more bearable. Now here’s to hoping that we move up the list quickly!

Image credits to tillwe and Jorge Franganillo

The first one seems to present a conflict. There is diversity in some parts of Utah, but many people believe that it is accompanied by higher violent crime rates. There may be some truth to this, but it is by no means the rule. Now I am seeing that the place we choose to live will have a bigger impact than I thought. There are probably a few ways we could facilitate the diversity: enrolling our child in a racially diverse school and extracurricular activities where there are other kids of African descent. I really want to get involved with other Ethiopian locals, whether they be other adopted children or adults. I’ve seen a group on Facebook where a group like this meets every so often. And I know that there are groups outside of Utah where Ethiopian adopted children are brought together for yearly reunions. We’ll be sure to participate in things like that.

The educational videos have also made me realize that our child’s life experience will be very different than mine was growing up. He will have to deal with prejudice, feelings of abandonment, cultural struggles, and other things that I never experienced. There will be lots of people who mean well but will make dumb comments in our child’s presence. There will be others who won’t mean well, and I know already that it will make me angry. There are good and bad ways for me to deal with stuff like that, and blowing up in someones face isn’t one of them.

I think April and I will have to learn that we can’t fix the issues that will come up. Racism will exist, and we just have to help him respond in the best way we can. It will take some practice, especially at calming ourselves so we can help in the most effective ways. It’s just an interesting aspect of parenting that is unique to adoptive families, but as long as we know that it takes work, I think we’ll do alright.

There is a lot more to learn about the best ways to parent an adopted child. I’m excited that we have learned so much already, and I look forward to all the other lessons that will come.

Note: The pictures I use for my posts have nothing do with anything. I just like them. The above pic is from this artist’s site, which I happen to like a lot. That is all.

So what now?  I will mail out the documents tomorrow.  AGCI will then send us a binder with pre-adoption information and the DOSSIER.  I have been anxious to get my hands on that for a long time.  The average amount of time for people to complete the dossier is 2-3 months.  After the dossier is submitted to Ethiopia, we will go on the wait list and should expect to wait 3-6 months until we receive a referral (where we are matched with a child).  It will then take another 2-4 months for the government to ensure that the child is an orphan and to process the adoption.  After that, we will travel to Ethiopia to pick up our baby.  If you haven’t done the math, we have 7 – 13 months to go.  Hopefully it will feel like I’m moving faster soon!

I contacted All God’s Children International (AGCI) and asked them what the wait time was for a referral and if they would take my home study report.  (I did not want to make the change if it meant we would have to complete another home study.)  They responded immediately that the wait time with them is shorter and that they would take our home study report.  Nate and I talked about it and decided that it would be worth it to switch agencies.  Unfortunately we will lose $250 but in the long run it will be worth it.  Since we made the change I feel much better.  I trust our agency and am hopeful that the adoption will be finalized in 2010, allowing us to qualify for the current tax credit.  I am also very happy that we don’t need to wait longer than necessary.  The wait has already felt like forever.  We are ready to be parents now.

Nate and I were in the process of saving our money for IVF.  We both did not like the fact that less than half of IVF procedures were successful.  As we weighed the options (IVF vs. adoption) we tried to look at the decision objectively.  We could create a life through IFV or we could find a child (who would otherwise not have a family) through adoption.  If we were to choose IVF, a child would still be out there without a family and opportunities that we could offer.  We could have chosen to adopt through LDS Social Services, but we know there are numerous families on the waiting list, and the children who are placed will go into good, loving homes.  But in Ethiopia, there are millions of children who will not have that opportunity.  The disparities between the US and Ethiopia are alarming.  Here are a few Ethiopian statistics:

• 4.8 million orphans
• 12.3% of children die before their 5^th birthday
• 50% of all children in Ethiopia will never attend school
• 88% of all children in Ethiopia will never attend secondary school
• Highest HIV/AIDS population in the world
• Doctor to child ratio: 1 per 24,000
• Life expectancy: 41
• Only 24% of households have access to safe drinking water
• GDP: $630

We are confident in our choice to adopt from Ethiopia (while also respecting other people’s decisions such as IVF, domestic adoption, foster care, etc).  We know there is a long wait ahead of us, but we know it will be worth it.

At this point we need to wait for her to email us the report.  Once we check it for accuracy, she will send it to our agency and we can proceed with the dossier and second background check.

Blogging for me has never been about things that I think should remain private. I shake my head at some of the things people dare to write, but then again, I might just be misunderstanding their motives. April has decided that we need a blog to document the adoption process, which is not something that I would normally want the world to know, but in this case I think I can go with it. I still am unsure if I will get into intensely personal things, but I’d like to write enough that I’ll remember these things later on. In my mind, that’s the purpose of the blog – so we will remember. It’s not for anybody else, though anybody can read if it they so choose.

Some of my initial unwillingness probably stems from my hesitance to talk in detail about what we’ve gone through up until now in trying to have our first child. Most of the time I choose not to talk about it, but  if I’m honest with myself, I can’t deny there has been a lot of anger and frustration. There have been times when I’ve felt happy after forcing myself to. I understand I need to do better at coming to terms with what has happened; even thanking God that we’ve been through what we have. It’s just not as easy as I’d like it to be.

I’m at an age where I can’t escape talk of pregnancy. I’ve tried, believe me, but I live in Utah. If I were in a different situation, I might look at all the talk in a different light. But when you are denied something that everybody else receives, sometimes all too easily, it wears thin. It becomes extremely difficult to smile when you hear of someone’s new happy news. The right thing to do is to wish them well, to wish them the best. But then my sense of fairness asks me why. At times I would feel that anger. Other times I would tell myself I didn’t care. I probably feel most regretful about sometimes having a total lack of sympathy when I would hear of the couple (or the thousand couples) who vented about having “tried” for five or six months without success. That’s hard and I know it, but it made me mad more often than not. I should always have been, and should always be better at mourning with those who mourn. After all, there are those who have it worse than me.

I have been trying harder to turn my attitude around. It’s still true that few know what this feels like, but others do. I don’t want to be pitied, nor do I want to be bitter. My choice in attitude is my own. I now have a very exciting adoption process to look forward to. WE have an exciting process to look forward to. April has had it harder than me, and she’s the one who has made all this happen so far. So I know it will be good for her as well. I don’t know if it will happen this year like we hope it will, but it will happen. We have already waited a long time, so we’ll be ok as long as we are moving forward with the process. When it’s done, maybe we’ll do it again, who knows.

So those are my opening statements. Here’s to hoping things happen sooner than later.